England's Problems and How to Fix Them

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England are in a real muddle. The tactics are in my opinion wrong, especially against 3 centre backs and defensive formations, and the players are down mentally.

The latter problem is easy. The pathetic overpaid twats are too used to having everything their way. They know from past World Cups that they will be crucified if, for instance, they miss in a penalty shoot out. They need to stop for a second to allow their testes to descend; and the press need to take a long look at themselves and ask - would they rather England progress further in the World Cup or would they like to massage their own careers a little?

The tactics, to be honest, aren't hard either. Let's just copy Brazil...

Brazil have been playing with two defensive-minded midfielders. This has two advantages - firstly the full backs can get forward (see Maicon); both of England's full backs are good down the pitch. Secondly they allow you to control the midfield and distribute the ball back and forward.

A player like Michael Carrick did not have a good season at Old Trafford. But being brought into the side now, he has little to lose and we know he has great vision and passing ability. Distributing the ball in triangles and splaying it wide to the wings and full backs draws centre backs of weak teams out of position, leaving space for the forward players to exploit.

Working our way forward through the team, Lennon has to go. He's an effective substitute when defenders are tired and susceptible to being beaten, but he always struggles for productivity in first halves. Shaun Wright Phillips should, incidentally, be sent home now as Lennon is better but apart from that they're essentially the same player.

I'd bring in Milner if fit to play on the right. He's a sensible, all round player who can play a subserviant role in a team. He's got some spark on him and a great ball into the box. In short, a footballer rather than a dwarf who happens to be able to run quite quickly. And who has a silly shaved eyebrow.

Despite saying on twitter that if he ever should play, it would be against Slovenia, Capello still has to drop Heskey. His attempted stepover was an embarrassment to English football and the sole source of our entertainment during the Algeria match. He's just useless.

Gerrard should play exactly where he wants to - in the centre without much defensive responsibility. Gerrard is great on the edge of the box and is very useful arriving late for crosses. Putting him in tandem with his scouse mate Wayne and former U21 colleague Barry will enthuse him further.

Most controversially Lampard would make way for Joe Cole, who, as John Terry quite rightly said is one of our two players who can beat a man and make something out of nothing.

Del Piero and Totti rarely played together for Italy; it took the Italians far less than 8 years to realise they couldn't play alongside one another. And imagine having a player of Lampard's capability on the bench.

Despite his dismal display in the last game, Rooney has to stay. We simply can't win without him on form so he needs game time to get his mind right and find the back of the net before the knockouts.